By My Side

I’m starting to take him for granted by being impatient and only when he gets mad at me, and I hate looking at his back view cuz I just feel terrified when he walks away from me. I’m sorry you sacrificed your sleep for me, just to make me happy and I knew you got mad because I kept drifting in my own world.

Thank you for always picking up your phone and replying my texts and panic when I am shitting and miss a call from you and you think I’m mad at you. Thank you for rushing home always to me. Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you for waking up, buying me medication+ contact+ breakfast+ hello panda; I know my reaction was disappointing to you when I saw the lens but deep down I was totally touched because no one has ever done this for me. Thank you for a thousand things I could name, one day, but now I’m rushing to wake you up.

When you’re away from me, I feel so lost and handicapped. Baby, thank you for everything. I love you- be patient if I am flawed.

*

I found out alot of my colleagues are talking bad about me and even Mentor has given up on me.

Has it come down to this?

In brief

The Weekend was damn awesome… with all my beloved friends… Saturday was his church and baby, home, prawning with the girls <3. Sunday was church, vivian li's bday.

Message of this week's sermon. As usual, church keeps me sane.
This week will be a good week, I believe it. I speak what I want to see.

And God said, Let the be LIGHT.

Kong Bak Pau

Sometimes he annoys the shit out of me when he cries non-stop. Yeah what kind of fucked up mom am I.

HONEY I’m Mad at You

The boys in my life can’t take a proper picture. I give up.

1.5 *coughs.

No, I don’t really call him honey but you know the HONEY in an annoyed American clipped tone? You play that in your head.

It is 3.19am. I am really annoyed he is sleeping like a pig. Yes I get he’s the one waking at 5am weekdays and don’t get much sleep because of me, but still its our first month together and he gave me the best present by going to bed early. And I told him I won’t be mad if he fell asleep during our movie but I got pissed off when I tried to wake him hours later and he refused to wake up and play with me. You know, when we were not yet together he would wake up no matter what time I called and talked to me as long as I wanted.

Things are so different now.

WHAT THE HELL.

I wanted to download all our nice pics but I’m so angry now JEREMY CHENG. I’m angry but I decided to upload some of our pics cuz I have nothing to do at 3.48am.

Baby Abe why you so happy!

Another dream

I dreamt I had furry legs and it was because I had a sex addiction, and it was set in the old Fantasy Island and it was a holiday kind of mood, and I kept looking and waiting for Gummy Bear, then it was letterboxes amidst the lobby of a condominium set at night.

I’m trying so hard to get back things on track but it seems I collapse all the time.

Sometimes I’m hot sometimes I’m cold

I’m gona miss you tonight.

Update:

We were supposed to have some time apart but ended up sticking together. I felt so bad I promised his mom the day before he would be home yesterday.

Wednesday wading

Went out today like finally though not really. Followed Boos home after he came home to me, ate, took the bus to his place. I met his mom and sis today and saw his crib.

I think it was a cheap thrill to me when I exclaimed in delight sitting on his bed.

Tried to watch 2012 when we came back, totally missed American Idol, ate two plates of left over fried rice wtf becky you’re supposed to lose weight- ate chips and hello panda tgt, he crashed out due to his cough syrup.

Boos we have to finish watching at least one movie at home lor. Wth we started 3 movies 4 times and never completed any.

And he is kinda boring, not his personality but during weekdays cuz after work he is so tired all he wants is to sleep. There is a difference dating and settling together- when dating he can go home change and play with me till 1-2am and send me home and then go home. When together already he can start sleeping at 10pm at my place, but I will whine and not let him sleep till midnight. Ok wth I feel damn fucking sleepy now too.

We’re behaving like old couple.

Play along with me till the day we do.

I heard this song randomly in my ipod before I met you, but it wasn’t until today I want this to be my song to you and our wedding song. I want to act shy ok. Anyway it sounds like a damn boring song till 4 minutes… and I love this song and its The Song for us because its also a song of Worship.

Like how awesome it is, to have my wedding song which is also a Worship song. Hallelujah.

Jeremy Cheng.
Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Becky’s

Some acquaintance asked me today on msn… “Eh you married ar?”

Judging from the way I live in my shorts and tees and make-up free face, carrying the Baby and sleeping in till noon, waking up to wake up, opening the door and kissing you goodbye, inhaling your smell and wishing you didn’t have to go, finding recipes to cook for you when you come home, dreading the dull monotonous routine I am stuck with.

Note to self- Thou shall continue working when married.

In and out till it all falls down

The Sandman, that’s what you are, for you keep haunting me in my dreams. I thought you went away, but you came back again. I dreamt I had a weird house party and there were animals like an aviary, resort balinese style with outdoor washington closets and massage chairs with a hole when you lie face down. The weather was misty and drizzly, rainforest humid hot, and I ran into fake folks aplenty. You know like the old aquaintances you never bothered to catch up with- seriously sometimes don’t be sore if an acquaintance calls you up and you bitch and moan “If you were so keen on being sincere, how come you didn’t stay in my life?” Fucking stop whining and being cynical people, sometimes you don’t even have time for the friends you care about in your life. Heck, how much energy and time planning to spread yourself for everyone? Perhaps they don’t even give a fuck what are you talking about. I was yearning like I did in December, I was searching for something, restless and edgy and fidgety. I remembered marine tanks of fresh water fishes for sale, I remember now a sad dolly-eyed monkey that was a bizarre emo mammal in the kind of yellow-ish hot spotlight in a barn-esque setting, then the other monkeys which were more, primalistic came back from a show- somehow I drifted back to you, it was 3am in the dream as it went on, and I woke you up; ignore the paradox of waking you in my dream- and I demanded the answers from you and you said you just wanted “Sex” and I stopped and I drifted in and out, the places around me changed and I just felt really lost and utterly heartbroken. I was disgusted with myself and you wore this pink shirt that you hung on somewhere, and there were your bros you loved so much in the same room and you played it cool as always, and this time you were unfeeling instead of the vague broody expression you always had in real life.

Funny how I thought I moved on but I guess I am still seeking for a closure with you.