You, you are so wonderful. You, you are so revolting. I hate how much I love you, I hate it because I do not even understand why. I hate it that I spend all my time yearning for you, that everything is much more important than me. I hate how my world spins because of you, my centre of universe is you, while I’m just a fragment of your world, the undisclosed part. You are important to me, while I am at the bottom of your list. I hate how much your hand fits in mine, I hate how my heart beats so fast when I meet you despite not being the first. I hate how much we don’t make love anymore, signalling problems, distance and change. I hate how you always look so beautiful, so vulnerable yet strong. I hate how you stroke my skin and admire it, I hate how you always make me feel beautiful and loved. I hate it that I feel so right with you, while knowing how wrong it is. I hate how my face brights up when your picture appears on my phone when you call me. I hate how much your voice is what I want to hear all the time. I hate it when my ipod plays our songs and I miss you so much and get emotional and sad. I hate how my sister always talks good about you when I complain you don’t spend time with me when she asks me about you. I hate how my mom would ask about you. I hate it that I cried for you. I hate it you were the one who stopped my tears when I was crying at the pillar outside caesars the last time you went there. I hate how you were the one who started my tears that night when you got into your car and refused to talk to me and drove away but you came back in 2 minutes. I hate many thousand other things, all our memories accumulated in our 9 months together. I hate how I date other guys only to realise I still love you so much and they cannot hold a candle to you just because you are you. I hate how hypocritical I have become because of how much I love you. I hate how twisted I am because I really love you deeply. I hate how you are the best to me and no one can beat that. I hate how handsome you are because it was what drew me to you. I hate how I miss your kiss. I hate how your lips feel on mine, it was so right. I hate how our days of seeing each other almost everyday are over. I hate how much I admire my Tiffany necklace because it is a birthday gift from you. I hate how you make my heart melt so much all the time. I hate how you can make me love you even more everytime. I hate how my boss sort of approve of you, hence he said “I know you are in good hands” when I requested time out off work during our eighth month celebration. I hate how The Arena reminds me of you and our first kiss. I hate how much I have a fetish for BMW 5 series and have developed a habit of noticing every black BMW number plate just in case it is yours. I hate how I love stroking your face. I hate how compatible we are. I hate having meals without you because I always enjoy myself so much. I hate how you fill me up with so much endorphines I cannot eat much when I’m with you. I hate how much I associate and think of you with so many things like Tweety Bird, Italian food, Ralph Lauren polo etc etc. I hate how I can’t stop you running through my mind. I hate your name because I love the sound of it. I hate how much I love you.
I really do.
