Baby slept through the night!!! All the way from 3am till 8am.

Finally got my ass to working today… when I say “working” it means just picking up the phone and making like 5 phone calls. Yeah, EML man, envy my life. Yeah right.

Its not a bird not a plane, its my heart and its going going away

*

Miss the boys, been some time since I spent some time with them… NYE we didn’t talk much.

*

Lord, lead me to Promiseland.

I’m worried about baby, he’s been fussing non-stop and not easily knocked out after feeds. I hate him crying, I’m his mother and I don’t want to see my baby cry. Guess who JUST accused me of neglecting baby cuz he was crying? Just because he was crying did not mean I left him there right?!?! You fucking in the fucking room which motherfucking eye did you see me not attending to him?!?!?!?!

%^#$%$&$$^^%*&%

Seriously I don’t give a SHIT about you dad. You freaking piss me off when you shoot your bloody mouth without using your brain!!! And when I shout at him he said he throw me out of the house. Hello, I also don’t want to stay under the same fucking roof as you! Is only for mom’s sake and baby I come back to motherfucking woodlands!

I HATE WOODLANDS.

I need to stop thinking bad about dad, only because its against God. If not I will curse him with all my heart.

Sorry, but I still don’t respect you.

I will do my best in life but its not for you. Since when in my fucking life you were a good dad???

*

Fuck man I wanted to blog what the fuck I have been doing but I’m so pissed FUCK THIS SHIT.

Chill Becky, chill.

Okay, so yesterday was hanging with the hippies after some much needed rest- Boos tucked me in as usual and waking up to him. Cabbed from stupid woodlands to Ikea. Waited an hour for the hippies, luckily boos was on the phone with me. Had meatballs!!! Went to Hippieland. Hellopanda, hellopanda, mini cornettos, chips. Polar express, I fell asleep halfway. Too much food in a day. The best thing was Matazz drove me back, sorry for the trouble- and they came up and play baby for awhile. Talked to Boos again and went to bed, on off interrupted sleep to care for baby as usual. Woke up too late for our meeting, finally met him at 11/12pm, carls jr!, coffee, church, after church chilling, westlake dinner with the hippies, secret hideout chilling.

Got bus-ed and was walked home, its been years since anyone took the effort to do so.

This line from the song below, I don’t need money, I don’t need cars, Boos you’re my all, came into my head. Heh.

Cuz if I got you
I don’t need money
I don’t need cars
Girl you’re my all - Chris Brown

The usual demons of feeling lost and lonely, they were banished because you were by my side.

Thank you boos.

Hanging with the hippies plus Boos took alot of my angst away.

*

Sermon spoke to me as usual.

Find a guy who will put away his lust and everything and honour you and love you.

Jesus is always gentle.

Pastor Prince’s damn funny entertaining way of doing hiphop lingo.

Restful increase.

Amen. God, please lead me the way.

24/7 operator-
You’re damn fun because I smile like a crazy little girl

We’ll make believe its our world like no other
I’ll tell you all my secrets if you tell me no lies ever

Gummy bears in our ice cream will never falter,
You erased the pain away with your persona.

Got home 7am-ish, XP sends me up with Reza driving. Texted boos about my horrible day, he rescues me at 9am-ish.

I had the best New Year’s day.

NYE was rubbish. It sucked, no offense to anyone especially the wonderful friends I spend with, but I didn’t feel it and something spoiled the first fucking day of the fucking year. B1 wasn’t around completely. I met the boys to Turbs house. Somehow something was lacking, even when we played the bear game, didn’t get high and wasted, boos was hungry and miles apart, Mr Yan was preoccupied with some bitch and had to keep going on about her, ate too much, emo-ed too much, was alone most of the time, cried, not enough cigs etc etc.

So yeah, my NYE was FUCKED up.

*

Thank God for you and calling me immediately at 9am and you turned my shit mood into a happy one.
Happy pill title, you deserve it!!!

My days have been awesome, I laugh myself to sleep and wake up laughing, sounds like I am insane, haha. When I am awake, I don’t feel lonely anymore.

Thank you Boos.

Went out with the Hippies plus One yesterday at Flyer and had popeyes! Then got ripped off at some place, $7 for mocha and $10 for an iced one! The ice cost $3? Stayed up all night online and Gossipgirl. Slept a couple of hours, before I had to go to main office for training, which I had only realised at 6am-ish. Luckily Boos called and texted me to wake, had a hard time waking up.

Training was a bore- I was the second to hand in my test paper…

Met up with client at Penny Black. I am too man- he was intimidated by my Guiness draught. Hahaha. He is awesome, telling me how to play The Game.

Rule #1: Never confess to a guy.

It was cool hanging out with you, Mr Client. Thank you for saying I will make it and that I have pretty much the whole package except the swearings. Heh.

He kinda echoed what everyone had been telling me all along, but sometimes it just takes a lil time to hit home.
And the best thing is he said I am very blessed, having a great family and great friends. I am very very lucky indeed.
And that I will be a great mom. Thank you…

*

Met the boys, they had dinner while I had coffee to sober up. Cabbed to meet Boos for dinner, trained back, poor thing is sick. Rotted at BL, ended up not clubbing.

Going home was reflective, listening to Binah sermon…

*

I had a great day, an ordinary day but my new knowledge of God’s reassurance made everything WONDERFUL.

*

Happy anni to the Hippies.

Sleep my little baby, Mommy is by your side.
Sleep my little boy, Mommy tells you everything is going to be fine.
Sleep my little child, Mommy will be the best I can be, in time.

Dream, of the day we’ll run on the beach together
Dream, of your first day in school and then the day you graduate with honours.
Dream, the day Mommy finally grows up to marry a good man fit to love you like his own, like no other.

Don’t wake, when mommy cries.
Don’t wake, when mommy makes mistakes.
Don’t wake, when I fail as a mother
Don’t wake, when I get hurt by yet another.

Wake up now, to see how Mommy will survive with God’s help in all kinds of disguise,
Wake up now, to worship in God’s house and thats when I thrive
Wake up now, see how I excel when I walk in his footsteps!

Sleep again my child,
the world will revolve soon to your first year in this world.

You’ll awake and smile,
and be proud of me, as your mommy and yourself
despite not having a father.

My little baby,
you were God’s gift to me,
and you make nothing else matter.

I love you Abraham Reuben, you’re amazing even though you’re blissfully ignorant.

Belated pics from Xmas eve and Xmas

Baby is getting big and responsive…

Love is when I see his sound asleep face beside me, and I know things will be alright, I will do whatever it takes for him to be a fine young man, and I will do whatever it takes to be a promising and capable woman who raised him to be so.

5 cents objects are but.